The National Family Caregiver Association names November National Caregiver's Month. Throughout the month I will have an ongoing discussion on Marg's Memos about Caring for the Caregiver. Why is this important? Where can we find help? What are the best resources? What are the ways caregivers can care from themselves?
You, the Family Caregivers, are the biggest resources we have to find the answers to these questions.
So, in the spirit of Caring for the Caregiver I am asking you, the Family Caregiver, to enter a give away contest by leaving a short comment sharing one way you care for yourself or one resource that you rely on.
In return, one of those individuals will be randomly chosen to receive a give away prize - one copy of Uncommon Beauty - Crisis Parenting From Day One.
To get the sharing started, I am leaving a link to the National Family Caregiver's Association page titled, "Tips and Tools".
Perhaps the first step in caring for yourself is to make an announcement to yourself and the world, "I need some time for me." Then put it on the calendar and make it happen. And I mean: literally, write it on the calendar - time for me to (fill in the blank). Find a way to treat yourself to some time to rest and rejuvenate. I am looking forward to reading about the ways you find and use this time.
Invitation: Come see Margaret Meder speak in Madison, WI on Thursday, November 8, at 5:30 at the Community Living Alliance. The event is titled "The Power of The Family Caregiver". I would love to see you there! For more information and to make a reservation, call: 242-8335 Ext. 1378. R.S.V.P. by Monday 11/5.
**You are welcome to leave your comment on the blog comments below, to share with all readers. However, to enter the give away, you must follow the Rafflecopter giveaway link above and post your comment there. Thank you!
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Friday, October 26, 2012
The Extreme Parenting Project
Extreme Parenting. What a great way to describe parents of
children with special needs and what we do day in and day out. We will go to
any and every extreme to give our children what they need. It could mean
staying up for 24-hour care giving shifts day after day; traveling to hospital
stays, doctor appointments, therapy; carrying out research and making life and
death decisions; maintaining endless patience helping our children learn a new
skill; accepting that today is not what we might have expected it to be; developing
new priorities.
Elizabeth Aquino, writer and mom caring for a special needs
child, posed this question:
Knowing what I know now, what might I have told myself on
the day of my child’s diagnosis?
She took this idea and developed it into The Extreme Parenting Video Project. This is a video that everyone must see, not just "extreme
parents". But for the "extreme parents" who watch it, you are in for a few moments
that will inspire you for a long time to come. This beautiful and insightful video
will allow you to pause. You will remember that what you do is an adventure beyond
anything you might once have imagined and you will know that you are not alone.
I encourage you to take a few minutes (about 3 ½ minutes in
length) right now to view it. You will be comforted, soothed, and energized all
in one.
What might I have told myself on the day of Evan’s
diagnosis?
I imagine the person I am now, eight years later, stepping
into the hospital room of the young and bewildered mother I was on the day Evan
was born. I might say to myself:
“You can do this and you will do it well. Take one step, and
then another. Stop to rest when you need to. You are going to become stronger
than you ever imagined. This little boy will be your Ambassador of Joy and he
will teach you how precious life really is.”
What would you have said? I would love to know. Post your words in a comment below.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Puppy Love
About a month ago we adopted a puppy. For the first time in a long time, we
had a tiny bit of breathing room. So
we took a big breath and filled that space with a puppy. This crazy move could mean that we have
lost our last shred of common sense.
Or it might mean that we are finding our sense of joyful
abandon again.
The newest member to our family is a Boston Terrier named
Jasper. This little guy came into
our lives unexpectedly. Gail, our
friend who breeds Boston Terriers, had been nursing along little Jasper (a
preemie puppy weighing just 4 ounces at birth). For years she has shared her terriers as therapy dogs and
has helped Evan interact them. One
of the dogs plays ball with Evan.
Gail introduced us to Jasper and told us his story. It was through her wise, vigilant, and
determined care that this little guy is here today. He is her little miracle puppy. Holding Jasper is amazing. His little warm body melts into your arms and makes your
heart swell with serenity. I first
held him when I was walking off excess energy before a radio interview in
August. Those five minutes of
holding Jasper calmed and centered my mind. I knew he had special powers that could bring healing to my
family. I’m sure that Gail sensed
it too.
We borrowed Jasper for a half-day here and there; then a
full day; then an entire weekend.
We fell in love and now he is here to stay. We wanted the puppy especially for the boys, but he has had
an impact on all of us.
To start with, Evan is no longer the youngest member of the
family – and Evan knows it. For now,
Jasper has taken over center stage.
Initially Evan was confused as to how we could be lavishing so much
attention on the puppy (attention that usually went to him). There were moments of jealousy and
uncertainty. Now it seems this
shift in attention is helping Evan continue his quest to be independent. He understands that members of the
family need to take turns being center stage. Bringing Jasper into the mix has been the perfect way to put
this lesson into action.
Evan is a natural caregiver to his new puppy, having been
the recipient of care for so many years.
He lets Jasper out of his crate in the morning; he sits patiently by
Jasper (who often needs company while he eats); he is gentle with his petting;
he walks Jasper around the yard; he loves to give him reward treats; he is
eager to help train Jasper to obey commands (he seems happy to be the one
giving directions for a change).
Jonathan finally has a companion dog. He loves the quiet moments he spends
next to the sleeping puppy - that little bundle of warm, soft, loving
goodness. It is the soothing and
steady presence for which he has yearned.
There is a part of his heart that desperately needs a pet’s love,
unconditional and always there for a moment of stress-free, happy companionship.
The boys are experiencing what we had hoped for. I am surprised at the impact the puppy
has had on Randy and me. We have
found our hearts softening as we play with the puppy. As parents of a child with special healthcare needs, our hearts
have toughened up. Toughened up in
the sense that we have learned how to take hard news without feeling it well up
inside of ourselves and break our hearts.
We can’t let emergencies send our bodies into a state of panic. We can’t let disappointments slow us
down. In some ways, we have become
almost stoic.
Perhaps one of the unexpected effects of this toughening up
is that we don’t take in the good stuff completely either. Part of us is always on guard for a
healthcare crisis, which would be all that much harder to bear coming from a happy
place. It seems all our emotions
had melded into one mostly neutral, content with where we are, state of
being. Bringing this puppy Jasper into our lives is allowing all of
us to let down our guards, soften our hearts, and allow a sweet playfulness, joyful
abandon even, back into our lives.
He reminds us of this each day.
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